The ties that bind

The Joy of clear sight- are you listening?

Dec 09, 2024

close up photography of rainbow rays on eye — Photo by Harry Quan on Unsplash

Things are not always as they seem.

Our thoughts, feelings, perspectives, whilst our own, may not reflect reality.

There is a Tarot card, the 8 of Swords, that depicts a woman in a desolate place, her eyes are downcast and blindfolded. There are puddles of water on the ground. She stands next to 8 swords planted in the ground. In the distance is a castle. The woman is standing in a long dress with cords wrapped around her body, her hands appear to be tied behind her back.

It’s a strong image that represents a lot of psychological feelings- including helplessness and hopelessness. When we look more closely, we see that because her eyes are closed and downcast, the woman may be thinking the situation is far worse than the reality. She doesn’t appear to be in any danger- there no other people and the swords don’t pose a threat. So why is she there? Why doesn’t she wriggle out of the cords and blindfold and seeing the reality of the situation free herself?

Possibly because she is trapped by her own thoughts and feelings? Perhaps, she feels powerless in a particular situation and can’t see a way out or even an option to the stuck-ness of her predicament.

I’ve been in this position, have you?

“Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains “ - Jean-Jacques Rousseau.

Excerpt from The Social Contract, 1762.

I first read that quote when I was in High School and I knew instinctively that it was true. I just didn’t know why. Now my understanding of it has deepened over time, to reveal (also in the manner of removing a blindfold), that it is not just about external social and environmental limitations as Rousseau demonstrated, but it is also about our inner dialogue, our trauma/ wounds and inevitably our lack of self compassion.

There are so many reasons why I got stuck and why it took so long to be unstuck but that’s ok, that’s part of my journey. I hope that by writing about what I learned that I may spare someone the suffering that I largely inflicted on myself.

Sometimes, we can feel trapped and when we do, we tend to lose sight of the big picture. We may feel blindfolded but this may be psychological- there may be no “real” threat, only imagined or created levels of difficulty- which of course can feel very real at the time. We don’t like uncertainty and we suffer when we feel fear, it makes us anxious to feel helpless and hopeless.

This can be what people describe as getting in our own way- our perspective is based on false beliefs and when these are revealed, we can find a new path instead of one created by worn out scripts and patterns of behaviour that stopped serving us years ago.

When we have lived experience of wounding, at some stage the Universe, out of the desire to help us, conspires to attract our attention.

Our own frustration at common themes or patterns of behaviour lead us to ask ourselves What? Not again?? Why???

Our human school presents us with opportunities to learn again and again until we pass the paper, until the penny finally drops and awareness begins to awaken.

I was listening to Oprah Winfrey once and heard her describe how the Universe whispers to us at first- ‘attend to this’ or something similar. When we don’t take any notice, the volume gets turned up- normal speaking volume, then a bit louder, until it shouts- why are you not listening??

Our intuition will guide us reliably and absolutely in the right direction, if we only be quiet, be still, surrender our overthinking brains and listen to it.

Our bodies too, gently ask for attention/ acknowledgement/ care/ compassion/ love- when our heads remain stuck in thought-land; they tend to get fatigued and acutely sick- this can become chronic and life threatening- we need to listen to our own bodies.

We know that most chronic disease is caused by poor lifestyle choices- at least 70%, in other words they are preventable. We have had this information available to us for a very long time but still people don’t take it seriously. Our health and well- being, our physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual health is in our very own hands.

This includes the “being” bit, it’s not called well- doing for a reason, being- ness is about practising presence- not just formal meditation but day to day, minute by minute life. Being present with ourselves and the world around us is my friends, the path to freedom.

Being present to our thoughts, feelings and the body. Making time to do this every day, that is our choice. And it is priceless. Connecting with ourselves enables us to connect with other people and from there, the invitation awaits- are you ready to listen to Divinity or God? substitute whatever name you give to that that can’t be named.

Being constantly busy, overworked and under resourced leads us to reactivity and story- telling about the relationship/ situation that we are overwhelmed by. Presence teaches us the madness of this kind of life because in a way it’s not actually living and it’s barely surviving.

I’ve heard the reasons why people do instead of be. I’ve used a lot of them myself, do any of these sound familiar to you?

working long hours, doing overtime
eating junk food on the run
not listening to anything except the noise in our own heads
seeking approval from a partner/ employer/ society
the belief I’m not enough
endless doing
living in the past
looking towards the future- everything will be ok when…
wanting things to be different
not resting, relaxing or sleeping
having NO TIME

Many of the excuses are to do with what is considered “normal”in our sped up, reactive, aggressive, individualistic society but as Gabor Mate educates us in The myth of Normal, this life is only seen as normal because it’s so common!

The truth is that whatever keeps us from connecting to God is ourselves- the stories we tell ourselves, the mistaken beliefs we hold onto, even in the face of repeated difficulty.

“In between the stimulus and the response, there is a space and in that space is your power and freedom”- Viktor Frankl.

Removing the blindfold is the easy part- understanding what it’s made of, who put it in place and why; that can take a bit of time but it doesn’t need to take a long time. Once we have awareness that there is a blindfold, then we can start to unravel it, thread by thread. It can be a process that you can do alone or it can be a time where you need a little help- often to mirror things for us, so someone who knows us well but can be objective is really helpful.

For me, it was a process of examining the beliefs I held and why they had become part of me- stripping away the layers of stories- misguided self- worth, self pity, loneliness, sadness, ego reactivity; and seeing that there were infinite possibilities of why a family member had behaved in a certain way and that was still conjecture.

What mattered, was not what had happened but the Small T trauma it had caused to arise in me and what I was going to do about it. Because I was determined it wasn’t going to effect my sense of equanimity or leave me feeling disempowered.

Once the blindfold disintegrated in my hands, I was then able to make my next, best move. To see ways forward that didn’t involve any of the previous emotional burden. Intentional, purposeful decisions and choices can lead to right action- the best form of doing. I was able to make contact in a whole new way, where I felt confident and at ease. The results were amazing, the dark clouds have gone and I can see clearly.

Ultimately, we remove our blindfold/s when we are ready to do so and when we have resourced ourselves to deal with what may emerge in the process. Vipassana- the Buddhist concept of seeing things as they really are- is a deep focus on the mind- body interconnection.

Through meditation we can calm our minds and create space to be receptive to clarity, joy, peace and self love.

The moment of release from a life of restriction is such a blissful awakening.

One I hope you have, or will experience. I’d love to hear from you.